So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
