I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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