I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
