Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
