and you said cock pushups were impossible
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
