eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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