just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Don't tell me you're on acid again
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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