Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
