A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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