I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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