): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
