There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize