Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
