1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
