my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Randomize
