so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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