Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
