Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
