just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
