okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
