I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
