two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
