I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Randomize
