so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
