I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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