she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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