somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
