Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Randomize
