mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
