I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
