I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
