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If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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