I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
