If i come over, it means nothing
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
