I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
