i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
she smelled like a LAN party
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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