got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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