Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
