all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
