go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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