yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
