I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize