At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
