All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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