MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
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