Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
