Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
