tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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