At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Randomize
