bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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