That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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