I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
