I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
