I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
whose ass print is on the piano?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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