If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Randomize