Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
