apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize