No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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