Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
