so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
