Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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