I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
