i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Just pee around me
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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