my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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