i don't like sucking hair
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize