and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
sarcasm needs its own font
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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