Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
