I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
