He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
