oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I want you more than these girls want KFC
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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