I'm lost and stupid without you.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
