i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
