I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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