I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
