My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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