dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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