So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
