Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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