break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
