The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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