Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
