Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
