hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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