the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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