I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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