nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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