3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
