Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
as a side note pls kill me
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
