Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I FOUND THE LEGS
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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