Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
