She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
