That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She's the barista slut.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize