forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Randomize
