I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
