dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
